We’re sure you’re acquainted with the few things that annoy us here in Manchester already, but in case you needed a reminder, here are ten things that are guaranteed to leave any Mancunian infuriated – even if they sound ridiculous.
1. Loose slabs across the city
You know the ones. Particularly on St. Mary’s Gate and up and down Deansgate. There’s absolutely nothing worse than having a bad day or being late for work, then stepping on one of these suckers and getting grotty rainwater all up your legs. The only positive is that if you do it at the right spot on Deansgate, there’s a Gregg’s nearby to redeem your day, but as a daily occurrence, there’s almost nothing that’ll leave a Mancunian more infuriated.
2. Slow walkers in Piccadilly Gardens
Nonso Emmanuel Biose / Unsplash
Another thing sure to trigger you when you’re already having a rubbish day: slow walkers. While you’ll find them all over the city in general, they seem to love congregating around Piccadilly Gardens, just to make every commuter’s life a little bit worse. Running to catch your train at Piccadilly? Don’t worry. There are sure to be a number of slow walkers waiting especially for you, and to make it better? They’ll all be walking in one long row gossiping and blocking the entire path, because of course. Why would they walk in single file to allow people to pass when they can bug multiple locals all at once?
3. Piccadilly Gardens in general
A place that could have been pretty, but instead has the ugliest concrete wall to ever exist looming over it. What used to actually resemble a ‘garden’, now couldn’t be further representative of its name, and to make matters worse, it’s always busy and you’re guaranteed to catch a whiff of something funky when passing through. It seems an effort has been made with the few patches of grass dotted around, but the average Mancunian will remain infuriated until it’s actually useful for everyone, not just a massive headache.
4. Public transport never being on time
Whether it’s the train, bus or tram you get, you can guarantee every Mancunian heads off to the station with the expectation of travel delays. It’s usually blamed on a ‘signal failure’, or if it’s the bus there’ll be no reason whatsoever and they’ll genuinely just disappear into a black hole (despite being ‘due’ on the live tracker app). Whatever the reason, there’s probably a delay, but hopefully the Bee Network will bring some respite for every infuriated Mancunian.
5. When it rains but the weather app says it’s sunny
If you’re new to the city, it can take a while to realise you’ll always require an umbrella. It doesn’t matter if it’s a heatwave in the middle of August, the likelihood is, it’ll probably still rain. The most infuriating thing for Mancunians, though? The iPhone weather app telling you you’re about to embark on a glorious day, then being greeted with blustery winds and heavy rain while you’re gallivanting around in summer attire – something to consider.
6. Attempting to make it down Market Street alive
Trying to get from A to B via Market Street is an absolute nightmare. Any Mancunian who knows what’s good for them will divert via any alternative route possible. Try and get to St Anne’s Square and you’re sure to be distracted by a handful of street performers, ten energy salesmen who are just dying to know who your current provider is, and general shoppers and/or tourists gliding along at a glacial pace, in every direction. No matter how the world changes, this never will, and leaves Mancunians infuriated every single time.
7. The festive season
Manchester is one of the UK’s most popular destinations around Christmas time, with thousands flocking to the streets of our city to experience the markets and do a spot of shopping in the Arndale. It’s all well and good for them, but not the poor souls who actually live here who are just trying to grab something for tea on their lunch break. The Christmas Markets are always a massive hindrance to any Mancunian, making the streets way too packed to get on with life, blocking public spaces that usually cut out a good 10 minutes of commuting – we leave infuriated.
8. People assuming you’re a ‘red’ or a ‘blue’
We get it. Football culture is huge here. We have two rival teams and most people are fans of either one of them – but that’s doesn’t mean we all are. There’s nothing worse than meeting someone new who isn’t a Manc and watching them struggle to come to terms with the fact that you just don’t like football. There are also so many local teams to support, so every Mancunian who supports the likes of Bolton Wanderers, Stockport County or Bury FC is pretty used to feeling infuriated by it.
9. Being met with a ‘Kevin and Perry’-esque impression when you tell someone you’re from Manchester
We all know the scene, Perry comes back from Manchester talking and acting like some quasi-Liam Gallagher impressionist. Well, that’s often what we’re met with anywhere we go when introducing ourselves – perhaps some find it funny, and even flattering, but most of us just want to shout “give it a rest!“. It’s something we have to come to terms with, as we’ll probably go our whole lives putting up with it, so if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
10. Having to run for any kind of public transport
There’s only one thing worse than running late for your train, bus or tram, and that’s being so late you have to run through town. Not only do people look at you weird, as though there aren’t weirder things going on, you get all sweaty and flustered and definitely ruin your swaggering reputation in the process. We generally just opt to accept that we’re too late, and catch the next one to keep our pride intact, even if it means being late for whatever we’re going to.