10 Things That Are Guaranteed To Infuriate Any Mancunian

Laura Rogan Laura Rogan - Editor of Secret Manchester

10 Things That Are Guaranteed To Infuriate Any Mancunian

We might be passionately proud of our home, but there are a few things about Manchester that do our absolute head in.

We’re sure you’re acquainted with those ‘few things’ already, but in case you needed a reminder, here are ten things that are guaranteed to annoy any Mancunian.

Loose slabs across the city

You know the ones. Particularly on St. Mary’s Gate and up and down Deansgate. There’s absolutely nothing worse than having a bad day or being late for work, then stepping on one of these suckers and getting grotty rainwater all up your legs. The only positive is that if you do it at the right spot on Deansgate, there’s a Gregg’s nearby to redeem your day.

Slow walkers in Piccadilly Gardens

Another thing sure to trigger you when you’re already having a rubbish day: slow walkers. While you’ll find them all over the city in general, they seem to love congregating around Piccadilly Gardens, just to make every commuter’s life a little bit worse. Running to catch your train at Piccadilly? Don’t worry. There are sure to be a number of slow walkers waiting especially for you, and to make it better? They’ll all be walking in one long row gossiping and blocking the entire path, because of course. Why would they walk in single file to allow people to pass when they can bug multiple locals all at once?

Piccadilly Gardens in general

A place that could have been pretty, but instead has the ugliest concrete wall to ever exist looming over it. What used to actually resemble a ‘garden’, now couldn’t be further representative of its name, and to make matters worse, it’s always busy and you’re guaranteed to catch a whiff of something funky when passing through – something COVID doesn’t seem to have helped us out with.

Having to join a virtual queue at your favourite restaurants

Ok, so this one’s probably a positive for the city rather than a total negative, but our local restaurants have such delicious food, there’s usually a wait. Especially for the really good tucked away gems. Fancy a Rudy’s on a whim? No such thing. You always have to be prepared to grab a pint at a local bar before scranning pizza to your heart’s content, which actually isn’t such a bad thing after all since it’s another excuse for a bev.

Public transport never being on time

Whether it’s the train, bus or tram you get, you can guarantee every Mancunian heads off to the station with the expectation of travel delays. It’s usually blamed on a ‘signal failure’, or if it’s the bus there’ll be no reason whatsoever and they’ll genuinely just disappear into a black hole (despite being ‘due’ on the live tracker app). Whatever the reason, there’s probably a delay.

When it rains but the weather app says it’s sunny

If you’re new to the city, it can take a while to realise you’ll always require an umbrella. It doesn’t matter if it’s a heatwave in the middle of August, the likelihood is, it’ll probably still rain. The most frustrating thing though? The iPhone weather app telling you you’re about to embark on a glorious day, then being greeted with blustery winds and heavy rain while you’re gallivanting around in summer attire.

People assuming you’re a die-hard Oasis, The Smiths or Stone Roses fan

Ok. We might be from Manchester, but music is subjective. ‘Madchester’ isn’t for everyone, the same way that rock music isn’t everyone’s cup of tea across the globe. We’ll admit, Oasis definitely have some catchy songs that are perfect for the end of the night after sinking a good few pints, but that doesn’t mean we all hang Oasis posters in our room and exclusively listen to Joy Division and The Smiths.

Attempting to make it down Market Street alive

Trying to get from A to B via Market Street is an absolute nightmare. Any Mancunian who knows what’s good for them will divert via any alternative route possible. Try and get to St Anne’s Square and you’re sure to be distracted by a handful of street performers, ten energy salesmen who are just dying to know who your current provider is, and general shoppers/and or tourists gliding along at a glacial pace.

The festive season

Manchester is one of the UK’s most popular destinations around Christmas time, with thousands flocking to the streets of our city to experience the markets and do a spot of shopping in the Arndale. It’s all well and good for them, but not the poor souls who actually live here who are just trying to grab something for tea on their lunch break.

People assuming you’re a ‘red’ or a ‘blue’

We get it. Football culture is huge here. We have two rival teams and most people are fans of either one of them – but that’s doesn’t mean we all are. There’s nothing worse than meeting someone new who isn’t a Manc and watching them struggle to come to terms with the fact that you just don’t like football.

[Originally published in March 2020]

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