We do things differently here up North, you see. From how to prepare for the inevitable rain, to making friends here in Manny, here’s the ten rules you need to know if you’re gonna survive life in Manchester.
1. “You’ll need an umbrella or hood 24/7”
Any person who’s lived in Manchester for over a week knows it rains… A LOT. A true Manc is always prepared, but from one Manc to another, we’d suggest sacking off the umbrella and opting for a handy hood instead. You’ll thank us later.
2. “Do not feed the pigeons in Piccadilly Gardens unless you are armed with a baseball bat”
Spend two minutes in Piccadilly Gardens, and you’ll find yourself fascinated by the swarms of pigeons that reside in the area. It’s not exactly Hitchcock level crazy, but it’s pretty close. Whatever you do, don’t drop a chip on your lunchtime Maccies run.
3. “Don’t go to the Trafford Centre on a Saturday afternoon”
Not a fan of that ‘packed in like sardines’ feeling? You’ll probably want to avoid the Trafford Centre on a Saturday afternoon. It’s a pretty popular gathering spot for families from all over the North, and doesn’t make for the most fun experience if you have somewhere you need to be.
4. “Prepare to risk your life crossing the road next to Primark”
Need to get to Primark? Buckle up. If you’re not avoiding being hit by a tram, you’re avoiding seemingly endless traffic coming down High Street. You’ll need eyes in the back of your head to make it over alive. A slight exaggeration, sure, but you get the gist.
5. “Don’t make eye contact on Market Street with anyone”
Make eye contact with anyone on Market Street, and risk being sold 42 different mixtapes, a new iPhone case, a fidget spinner, and a bobble hat covered in glued-on diamantes.
6. “It’s a barm”
When in Manchester, it’s a barm – not a roll, not a cake, not a cob. A barm. We’re serious about this one.
7. “Chips must have gravy on”
If you want to fit in with the locals, when ordering chips – get a proper lashing of gravy on ’em. We love that shit.
8. “You don’t say hello, you say ‘alright'”
We don’t speak the Queen’s English here in Manchester. It’s ‘alright?’ or ‘iya’, not ‘hello’.
9. “Never wear white socks”
Wearing white socks in Manchester is just asking for trouble. Never mind the rain, step on the wrong slab while rushing down Market Street or Deansgate and expect grotty rainwater in your shoes and right up your legs.
10. “Never try to get an Uber during Parklife or Pride weekend”
There are two fixtures in the annual Manchester calendar that mean crazy Uber surges: Parklife and Manchester Pride. Expect to pay the price of a small two-bed flat just for a ride down the road during either of those weekends.
11. “You have to like Oasis”
So it’s slightly stereotypical, but if there’s one thing that Mancs can typically agree on, it’s a love for Oasis. They’re an iconic band after all, responsible for many a crowd-pleasing hit that make for the perfect ‘end-of-night-at-the-pub’ songs. Pick a favourite song and keep it in your arsenel when making friends. You’ll need it.